// 845.371.2222 YISKAH GOLD My kitchen cabinets are up to par. Cans of tomato sauce lined up like soldiers next to bags of flour standing square and squat in their green – orange jackets. The chocolate syrup right behind the cocoa in neat precise formation and the ketchup next to the mustard in its designated spot. The shelves are white and clean with nary a sugar crystal in sight, and the container of oil is well… not oily. Fake news. Cabinets have doors for a purpose you know, and I make sure mine are well – oiled so they can close quickly and painlessly. What I keep there is anyone’s guess and nobody’s business. Busy intelligent women cannot be bothered with the contents and order of their kitchen pantries. It’s the principle of the thing. I don’t organize it. I try not to even think about it. And so, I was caught by surprise. It happened on a busy Thursday morning. The Cholent was cooking steadily in the crockpot, while the kugel spread a pleasant aroma throughout the house. The kitchen however, was not so pleasant. Sinks full of dishes, crackers and cookies crunching underfoot, and a table full of mail and assorted bills. You get the picture. I tried to do quick damage control. As I ran around clearing the clutter, I noticed that the pantry door was slightly open. Kicking it closed, (there’s a method to all of this y’know) as I passed it, I was too flushed and hot to notice, that it immediately bounced slightly open again. Finally, the surfaces were visible. Breathing deeply, I felt the empty space expanding within me, putting calm in my rushed morning. Ahhhh. Now I could finish my work quickly and peacefully. I reached for the pantry door and opened it to fetch the sugar. Bang. Bump. Splat. Crash. One after the other, cans of tuna, a bottle of lemon juice, a bag of beans came flying out to greet me. Hand on my heart, I stepped back. Brightly, I said: “Huh?!” Small feet pattered behind me. My sweet toddler stood there eyeing the mess with interest. Tugging out the bottle of lemon juice, he asked: “Whazzat?” Ha! I felt a giggle coming up. Know the story of the three people who sat down to eat in a restaurant? Ha! The first one was a schlimazel. The second one – a schlemiel.
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